You see, you cannot obtain your dreams and goals when there are so many things wrong with you. You can not fix what is wrong with you until you know what is wrong with you.This book will show you that. It will tell you all about the many things that are wrong with you and how you must have help fixing them.
Are you ready to get started learning why you constantly fail? Is it difficult to look deep within myself and be honest about my shortcomings? What if I don’t have a real desire to go through the difficult process of personal growth but just want to FEEL like I am doing something about my mess of a life?
What is Wrong With You? An Introduction to What is Wrong With You will explain that what is wrong with you is more complex than you could ever conceive of. You have so many problems, only this book can help you resolve those issues. You will learn that finding out what is wrong with you is easier and less expensive than you think!
Chapter One: How Things Went Wrong With You
From the time your mother first held you in her arms and you absorbed all of her fears into your mind instead of allowing them to bounce off of your tiny body, there have been things wrong with you.
Your father also broke you – first by being initially uncomfortable with his new responsibilities and then together with your mother, your parents ruined you with careless thoughts and ignorant words and before you knew it there were things wrong with you.
Your parents may have meant well, but meaning well doesn’t mean that those mistakes weren’t made. It means that they meant well and now things are wrong with you. Terrible but not insurmountable things. You may or may not have hope. You do have a chance at hope and that chance is me, the Rev Dr. Hugo Homesnow and my books.
Together let us examine, one by one the sources of the things that are wrong with you.
Let us visit your problems. Together. 😉
A Dozen Things That Caused Things To Be Wrong With You
Think about your mother. Think hard about her. How would you feel if a tiny human grew within your body and ejected itself from your loins? You would feel like a monster, that’s how you would feel. Everyone would gather around you and tell you horrible things about the consequences of making tiny people while they point out time and time again how you’re doing everything wrong. This results in your mother mothering you according to what other mothers tell your mother being a mother is like instead of her just mothering you directly. It’s all very confusing and that’s why this book is here. To un-confuse you enough to know how much is wrong with you. Clarity will come in time, after repeated readings.
Your father is not innocent. Ponder the concept of fatherhood. Do it now, not later. It is little more than standing idly by while the woman you love mutates into a horrible monster that spits tiny people from her loins. Then you tell the tiny person that the world isn’t as scary as its mother says it is, but it’s still kinda scary so you give it a pocket knife and cross your fingers and go back to work at the factory.
Your father, as well as your mother, probably did their best, that doesn’t mean it was good enough. If it were, you would have bought a better book, something about gardening or backyard beekeeping perhaps- but a different book nonetheless.
You mother and father have ruined you not only as individuals but also as a unit. Your parents often made executive decisions in the heat of the moment that they intended to be good for you but were nothing more than feeble attempts to compromise between their ideas about rearing children with what their parents would say behind their backs for not going about doing it the exact same way they would have. This sort of behavior can only result in things being wrong with you. There is simply no way for it to be otherwise.
How were they to know that they were constantly setting an example for a tiny person who absorbed every one of their thoughts? It’s as if they didn’t know that and were treating you as though you were a toy or a means to prove their worth to others.
Amazing! Your parents had things wrong with them too and these things were passed down to you in the form of things that are wrong with you!
Your parents did what all parents do. They acted the best they could in order to keep other people out of their business and thought that was the same thing as raising you. It is a common error. One that I see many times over in my practice of monastic shamanic life coaching. One that I am qualified to correct. I will aid you in the correction of this and many – but not all – of your problems.
One of the worst things your parents can do for you is to make other tiny people and force you to live with them. This is a popular activity among many parents and is the main cause of what’s wrong with you. We will now discuss the problem of siblings and then explore eleven more causes for the things that are wrong with you. Then you will be permitted a break of no longer than a quarter hour before facing the quiz that will determine whether or not you are prepared for what you will learn in the next chapter.
If you have any brothers or sisters then that is a source of what is wrong with you. If you have no siblings or they have been replaced by pets, this too is just as bad.
Are you in the middle? Were you first to slide from your mother’s loins or the last? No matter – each birth position brings with it a unique and challenging set of things that are wrong with you. The things that your siblings cause to be wrong with you are just as detrimental as the negative qualities your parents have instilled in you.
Perhaps your siblings repeatedly ate your goldfish or broke your favorite toys over and over. Maybe they would punch you and then start crying, framing you for a crime that never took place. Maybe they shot you or lost your child in a card game. It does not matter what they did, just that they did things that have caused things to be wrong with you. Chances are you have contributed to the things that are wrong with them as well. Do not mention this to yourself, it is not even safe for you to think of it.
These people. Where to begin? If you want to know who you really are at any given moment, just mentally combine all of the things you find annoying about your friends into one single person- that person is you. Welcome to yourself, I hope you can handle it.
Many people don’t know how to choose good friends so they let their reality generating mechanism choose for them. Normally this is a fine way to go about the process of selecting friends but not if there are things wrong with you. If there are things wrong with you, then your reality generating mechanism also has things wrong with it. That means that the things that are wrong with you cause things to be wrong with your reality. It is all very simple once you understand how complex it is.
We will talk more about the RGM when your mind is ready to hear about it- probably sometime during the next chapter. For now, just know that your mind is connected to reality by a hall of twisted fun house mirrors that are out to kill you.
Television and Movies
Did you know that before gangster movies became popular real gangsters looked and acted like real, regular people? It is true. They didn’t go about gangstering everywhere they went, they were just like everyone else. Then gangster movies came along and portrayed gangsters in the manner we are all familiar with. When gangsters saw gangster movies they thought that they should dress and act like the movie gangsters. This is how movies make it so that there are things that are wrong with you.
Television is just a smaller movie ingestion device. Think deeply about the above words and sentences and the ideas they are attempting to explain or convey to you. Ideas that no doubt you find invasive and uncomfortable, but ideas that will show up on the quiz. Ideas that you must allow to infect you.
School and Teachers
Think about how much you learned on your own before ever going into the echo factory known as the educational system. You figured out an entire language, the names of most colors, and a handful of numbers. You figured out why Christmas and Halloween aren’t every day. You learned how to control your hunger, bladder, and poop machine. You did all this in spite of having a mind full of undried glue and without any assistance from those who were supposed to be in charge of you.
You were also starting to figure out that you had things wrong with you, that you weren’t like the other children. You were suffering and misunderstood. Like most people. Like most people, you most likely assumed that other people had nothing wrong with them. This is one of the things that is wrong with you – your failure to see that other people are also nothing more than a collection of the things that are wrong with them.
This is an advanced problem and will be properly addressed in an advanced manner when you have reached level 30 but not before. You are currently at level -1 and have many levels to go. How many levels? You should be able to figure it out but probably can’t. This is the fault of the substandard educational system that you partook in combined with the things that are wrong with you.
In school, your natural learning mechanisms are punched in the face until they are discarded in favor of being yelled at by a middle-aged and sexually frustrated woman who never wanted to teach but had to do something to escape the tiny people she co-created so here you both are. You can rest assured that this process of so-called education is going to cause many things to be wrong with you.
You were taught nothing by school and teachers, admit it. Accept that fact. The only thing that you learned is to feel shame for not fitting in and that perhaps you emit a strange odor or have cooties.
Music and Books
Music and books are similar to movies and television in the sense that they are a source of inner turmoil.
Chances are every song you have heard and every book you have read has been nothing more than poison to your soul. The lies contained within these distractions have undoubtedly served as incorrect blueprints for reality. Without correct blueprints, nothing you build will be correct. We have not discussed reality blueprints until now because I didn’t want to confuse you, your life is already unbearable enough.
Your religion is incorrect. It is not true. Deep down you know this, so do not become angry at me for telling you something you feel in your bones is true. You must become comfortable with being uncomfortable if you want to have less things wrong with you.
The only reason you even bother with pretending to be interested in your religion is to shut your mother up. Admit this. Admit this as hard as you can. Then admit it harder. Then harder still. Admit this until it can get admitted no harder
It is your soul – you may sell it, rent it or soil it as you see fit. You do not need religion, you need coaching. Remember this, it is important.
This is the only god you need
No matter your genital configuration, it has caused you many problems. The genitals of others have also caused uncomfortable moments. There is simply no way to have genitals or be near someone who has them and not have this become a source of trouble for you at some point in your life.
Dealing with the problems that your genital configuration have caused you is no easy task. You must be willing to expose many parts of yourself in many different ways to many different people before you are free of these troubles.
Genitals and the problems that they can, will, and have caused you are a complex subject and there will be many books and audio lectures to address these issues. If you care about fixing what is wrong with you, you will purchase these things as they become available.
The Voices In Your Head
Do you know that other voice inside your head? The one that yells at you and keeps you from conquering your dreams. Do you know that one? It is the same one that keeps you awake at night. It was put there by your parents as they spoke incorrectly to you. Teasing you like a tiny version of a person instead of an empty vessel trying to make sense of this dimension and the horrors that come with it.
They couldn’t help but to assume you could process complex ideas such as humor, sarcasm, and parental goofiness. They failed to realize that you were a pile of clay who soiled its pants while it was also struggling with the initial stages of physical manifestation and looking for solid advice and guidance for how to properly mature and only received nonsense syllables and belly raspberries in return. This failure by your parents is one you must pay for with every breath you take.
Your Inability To Distinguish Reality From Your Feelings.
It may come as a surprise to you but your feelings and the things that you feel are not the same thing as what is happening around or to you. Confusing your emotional reactions with reality is common and it is just one of the many things wrong with you.
Your feelings are neither wrong nor right, they are just loud. Thinking otherwise is folly and folly always leads to things going wrong with you. When you are serious about fixing what is wrong with you will see this. If you do not see this do not worry. You will come to see it in time.
Your Refusal To Admit That You’re Not The Only Thing In The World.
Look around, do you see other people? Chances are that you do, even if they are only on your television or in your imagination. This is proof that you are not alone. Proof that others exist. You need to be comfortable with the fact that you are not the reason the sun rises and sets, you need to be comfortable with this. Shhh, it is time to relax. Just allow it to take place. If you are uncomfortable with this then you should call me and we will discuss things until you are. Reasonable fees may apply.
During this book you will be forced to partake in voluntary quizzes and tests of various types. These are an important part of the process you are undertaking. If you skip these quizzes, you will gain nothing from my wisdom.
Reading this book and not taking the quizzes is like chewing streak and then spitting it out before swallowing it. Steak is not gum, it must be chewed and swallowed in order to be enjoyed. So too must my wisdom be swallowed.
As my teachings drip out of my mind and into this book, you must slurp them up and allow them into your mind. This is not as disgusting a process as it seems, it is natural and somewhat organic. These quizzes allow you to see just how much you need this. How much you want it.
Turn the page in order to start the quiz. It will not just appear here for you to take. You must become actively involved in the process in order for it to work properly.
Quiz Number 1
This is a true or false quiz. Simply read the statement and decide if it is true or of it is false.
- Your Mother is a source of what is wrong with you.
- Your Father is a source of what is wrong with you.
- Your Parents are a source of what is wrong with you.
- Your Siblings are a source of what is wrong with you.
- Your Friends a source of what is wrong with you.
- Television and Movies are a source of what is wrong with you.
- The Educational system is a source of what is wrong with you.
- Your Religion is a source of what is wrong with you.
- Your Genitalia is a source of what is wrong with you.
- The Voices in Your Head are a source of what is wrong with you.
- Not being able to tell your feelings apart from reality is a source of what is wrong with you.
- Your inherent self-centeredness is a source of what is wrong with you.
- This book is your only hope at a decent life.
- This quiz was useful because it reinforced the concepts presented so far and made me aware of some of the things that are wrong with me in list form.
Scoring the Quiz.
If you have answered any of those questions by choosing B and so indicating that the statement is false, then you are unfit to evolve. You have chosen to look upon truth and refuse to see it. This means that there is too much wrong with you for me to help you with. Do not despair, it is too late for that. Just resign yourself to always being broken. You will get used to the feeling, chances are you already have.