I am now making my world famous and critically acclaimed email courses available as blog posts for your convenience.
Dear Broken Soul,
Have you slain the two-headed dragon that dwells within you? While not a prerequisite for this lesson, it would surely help you in your quest to evolve if you move into Lesson Four with a allegorical dragon dead or dying behind you. Not a real one, they no longer exist in this dimension, but rather the symbolic dragon we discussed in Lesson Three.
In the previous Lessons, we focused on WHAT was causing you all the problems you love complaining about. This Lesson will be different. Lesson Four is about WHAT you can do about the less-than-optimal conditions in which you find yourself being yourself.
There will be no Sub-Headings Of Wisdom in this lesson. Instead, there will be Sub-Headings Of Action in this lesson. Do not confuse Sub-Headings Of Wisdom with Sub-Headings Of Action, as that would cause those around you to regard you as a fool. If they already regard you as a fool, they will begin to regard you as an idiot. This is called “escalation” and we don’t have time to elaborate on this concept, so trust what I say.
This is not an email course in vocabulary building so let us get to the point. Here is what you are here for:
Lesson Four’s Sub-Headings Of Action:
Sub-Heading Of Action Number One: Practical Points On Paying Attention
In an ideal world, you would not need to be told over and over again to pay attention, in a slightly less than ideal but still pretty decent world, all things considering, I would be there to follow you around throughout your day and scream “Pay attention!” while you preform your tasks and fulfill your obligations.
Neither of these things are possible in the world you live in, so you will have to deal with that fact and learn to pay attention on your own, using only these tips that I am bestowing upon you:
-Every time you look at an insipid picture of a cat dressed as a samurai on your phone, say to your self “Pay Attention!!”.
-Wear an electric dog collar under your regular person collar and periodically shock yourself back to reason. If you can, give the trigger device to a trusted friend or co-worker and have them electrocute you randomly. When you feel the pain, you will know it is time to pay attention.
-Whenever someone asks you for the time, reply with “Why I do believe it’s time to pay attention.” Chuckle lightly to yourself and proceed with your day.
-Spend the time and effort to develop a regular meditation practice, begin keeping a journal, and slowly cultivate awareness in spite of yourself.
It is impossible that following any one of those tips to fruition will lead to a decrease in paying attention. I suggest you start at the top but feel free to waste your time any way that you like.
Sub-Heading Of Action Number Two: How To Deal With Feelings and Thoughts
Neither your thoughts nor your feelings are you, they are part of you- and truth be told they are not even big parts. They could never reach the top of an average refrigerator to grab a banana let alone comprise a considerable part of your psyche.
When you begin to have a thought or feeling, have it. Let it happen, it is a good idea to not judge it or act upon it with the intensity of a burning sun. After the thought or feeling is complete take a few units of time to consider whether or not acting on this thought would be in your best interest or further your agenda. If it is, then proceed with acting upon it. For example:
Say you are at a cash register trying to buy a magazine full of articles intended to make yourself feel bad enough about yourself to purchase the products advertised in the parts of the magazine that are not filled with articles. Then the cashier tells you how much the magazine cost. Then you think “I should pay the cashier.” Then you take time to think about whether or not that will advance your agenda.
When you decide that it won’t because that buying a magazine full of articles intended to make you feel bad about yourself is not the best course of action for someone who is already badly broken, you can say to the cashier “Uh, I’m sorry. I seemed to have snapped out of the cloud of negative reinforcement that surrounded me and I don’t think I want this magazine anymore. I will, however, take this package of breath mints.”
Controlling your thoughts and feelings can be as simple as that if you let it. Which you almost certainly will not. That is OK, someday you will learn.
You should not repress your thoughts and feelings.
You do not have to express your thoughts and feelings.
You simply have to have and acknowledge your thoughts and feelings.
Sub-Heading Of Action Number Three: Don’t Trust Yourself.
You do not know yourself. You have been living in an incorrect manner for so long and you are only just now learning all kinds of things about yourself. This course has been like an enema for your spirit, removing and loosening years worth of faulty internal processes and flawed thought mechanisms that is it folly to think you have any idea about yourself. Allow yourself to be confused and try not to ruin more than you already have.
Well, how do you feel now that you are full of Theoretical Wisdom and Practical Knowledge? I bet you feel like taking a quiz. Not today, allow your soul to marinate in this new, powerful information. Tomorrow we will quiz.